For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to run away
I was never really happy in my life. I never felt settled. I always wanted more.
This is where my brand, The Freedom-Obsessed Female Entrepreneur, was born.
It came from this conviction that I have so deeply inside of me that we are not bound to settle, or hate our lives, or be stuck, or not have the ability to live the life we desire. Maybe this is because I felt stuck and hopeless for so, so long.
When I was younger, I thought about physically running away.
As I got older, I figuratively ran away from my skeletons in my emotional closet by busying myself and hustling my ass off to build a wildly successful business at the age of 20.
But around the age of 25, I realized my whole driver in building this massive business was simply me trying to survive and run away from everything that I didnt want to be.
A funny thing happens when you let your biggest fears be your motivator instead of your true hearts calling–
You end up feeling even worse than if your worst fears happened.
Because once you finally realize you dont have to be destined to the same fate as your past, and you make it for yourself, but you have no idea what really matters to you because you have been operating out of a place of fear
You feel lost. So lost.
So what did I do to get found?
I ran away, again.
I decided that I would start my coaching business virtually so I had the ability to up and leave Ohio and live on the road travelling full time.
So if you know me at all, you know, thats exactly what we (we, me and my boyfriend Ronnie…youll get to know him, too) did.
We decided we were going to leave, and within a few short months, all of our stuff was sold, and we headed to our first stop, New York City.
Our time traveling was a dream–its everything you would expect traveling full-time and seeing the entire United States.
We ran our businesses from the road and popped from place to place everyday. We had nowhere to be, no one to report to. Our biggest stress was finding the next Airbnb we would stay in.
Our lifestyle on the road was great
…until it wasnt.
During our time traveling, I was (and still am) operating a 6-figure coaching business that required attention, dedication and consistency from me. Because we were constantly moving from place to place, staying consistent with my business, although I did manage to do it gracefully, was extremely difficult to pull off.
Meanwhile, Ronnie had started his own business doing virtual assistant work, and although he was doing well for being brand new, it was quite the challenge for him trying to build something from scratch with no additional income, no backup plan, and no stable place to network and build his base community.
About a year and a few months into full-time travel, we hit our breaking point.
Ronnie and I had gone out for a hike in Colorado Springs area, and we both started at the trailhead pissed, annoyed with each other, and bickering the whole way..
To be honest, I was feeling discouraged.
We have been together for over 8 years now, and in this moment, I really didnt know what was next for us.
Looking back, we were both mad at each other for not having the things that ultimately the way we were living was setting us up for failure to create in our lives.
We had no stability in our lives and no real end goal, so to expect to feel stable, secure and clear, was just…silly.
Then, after 1,000+ feet elevation gain and lots of back and forth, it became crystal clear:
We wanted simplicity. We wanted grounding. We wanted to slow down. That was it.
And I think my pride is what held me back from accepting this.
Because wasnt I the girl that had The Freedom-Obsessed BRAND for gosh sake?!
I mean, wasnt this my idea all along and the reason why I created my coaching business in the way I did?
Wasnt I the girl who never wanted to settle for less than an amazing life?
So how now was I wanting to leave what people told us everyday was the dream?
I felt like a fraud. I felt fake. I felt confused as to who I was.
But I wont lie to ya
I felt so freaking relieved when we both settled on the idea to settle down.
And so that is what we did. We had to–to save our relationship, our businesses, our health..and our sanity.
Ronnie and I decided on the top of that mountain that we would start the process to move to Portland, ME, and now here I am now writing this blog post for you on a Friday night from our cute little cottage 5 minutes outside of the city of Portland. I couldnt be happier. Ive had it all, Ive went everywhere…and this…this is what I want (for now!) PS. I cant believe I am saying that!
So, what is this blog about?
Well, its about me finding me. Because thats what I can speak to.
But its also (at least I hope,) about you finding you, too.
I hope we can walk on a journey together. A journey where we unravel the wounds, the old ways of thinking, the protective layers we have on ourselves
A journey where we can be who we are again. Im so crazy and silly and I cant wait to get back to that. Im really not all that serious even though I will write and talk about very serious stuff. But I also love nothing more than farting on my boyfriend while we spoon. Hahahahaha.
So I hope you can find a home here with me, as I find my home.
Ive never really felt like I had one.
Maybe thats why Ive always felt like running away.
But Im ready to move past that person. I want to be home. I want to be grounded. I want to feel settled. Settled in me and who I am.
I invite you to do the same.