I want to talk about being stuck.
About being in a place in your life, or maybe more particularly in just one certain area of your life, where you just feel like you’re not where you want to be.
This might be financially. Emotionally. Physically. Or maybe you aren’t in a romantic relationship and you wish you were. Or maybe you hate your job. Or…etc., etc. etc.
The list goes on and on. But what I’m talking about are the parts of your life that you aren’t 150% obsessed with (and yes, you can totally get to a place where you love every single part of your life.)
Can I tell you a secret?
Being stuck in an area of your life (no matter what it is!) all boils down to the same thing:
Your identity in that area is all you can perceive right now. So you are unable to fully be open to other options.
Let me explain:
So, let’s say you’re broke. You barely manage to make it every month, you don’t save, you have debt.
You can’t go do the things you want to do.
Your friends go on a trip and you have to say no.
Your kid wants to do an activity and you have to tell them you can’t afford it (which kills you.)
You don’t love this part of your life.
But, it’s been this way for SO LONG that you’re kinda used to it. It’s your reality.
Here lies the disconnect. When something is your day-to-day, it’s hard to imagine it being different.
Let me give a different example.
You’ve struggled with your weight for years.
No matter what you do, you struggle to drop the pounds.
You kill yourself at the gym. You try every diet in the book.
But you still can’t get to where you want to be physically.
Maybe you even DO lose the weight…you finally DO feel great about yourself.
And then it slowly comes back on.
What is that all about?
Well, my question to you would be this:
What is your family story around weight/eating/health like?
Are you from a family where the majority of people struggle with their weight?
Is the story “this is how it is for us” and maybe you have unconsciously fallen victim to this story as well?
Maybe you are part of a family where unhealthy eating is the center of all events and functions? It’s just part of your world.
You come from a very physically fit family–and you are the odd man out.
So you have begun to assume the role of “the overweight one.”
This is what you are used to.
And more, this is all you believe is possible for yourself.
Again, here we find the source of the “stuckness.”
When I say that, I want you to know…IT’S OK.
All of us are living in identities that we truly don’t want to live in some area of our lives, or we have at least experienced it at one point.
“I’ve always been broke.”
“I’ll always be overweight.”
“My parents didn’t like their jobs and neither will I. It’s just part of life.”
“Maybe I’m meant to be single.”
NONE OF THIS IS TRUE OR NOT TRUE.
There are no special rules about who gets to have what in their life.
We are simply stuck in our current reality because it is all we have ever known. And it’s hard to imagine life being different. We struggle to see another way. And when we can’t see the way, the action to get us where we want to go is almost impossible to find.
I want to ask you:
Let’s say you reallllyyyy want to get your financial life on track, but you struggle constantly to do so, and it seems almost impossible.
Pretend for just one second that you finally do get your financial life on track.
You have more than enough money to pay your bills. You are never behind.
In fact, you have so much that you have eliminated all of your debt.
You never again have to say, “I can’t afford it.”
Can you pretend to know how that would feel?
Like really deeply try to get yourself to that place, even if it’s just for a moment?
Does it feel possible?
Does it feel too good to be true?
Are you uncomfortable even thinking about it?
I am guessing this is not an easy task for you.
And this is the very thing that holds you back from stepping into that place–because you struggle to identify with that type of life. And this is where we can start doing the work.
I think it’s pretty hard to jump from where you are now, to your ultimate dream vision for you life overnight. In fact, you’ll probably sabotage yourself trying to do that, and so I always recommend baby steps.
Remember, it’s hard to know all the steps when we have never experienced this new identity before.
So instead, just start with ONE action that we think might be the best action to take in that general direction of where you want to go.
It’s the same concept of someone who hasn’t gone to the gym in 10 years, and then tries to go 7 days a week for 2 hours a day.
They very likely will fail at this attempt, or even if they do keep it up for a while, it’s highly unlikely that it will stay a habit because they so drastically went from one identity to the next.
This is why I coach my clients to take small steps to shifting into the new identity they would love to embody.
Let’s go back to the financial freedom example from above.
If you are in a place now where you are constantly late on bills, have no money saved, can’t afford to do the things you want to do and have tons of debt, it can seem super overwhelming to go from that place to a place of complete financial freedom.
I recommend taking the lowest hanging fruit and start there first.
So in this example, I would recommend trying to get to a place where bills are paid on time first. Build a budget, crunch the numbers. Make a bill schedule.
Get comfortable in that area first, then tackle the next.
Slowly, your identity with money (or whatever area of your life you are working on!) will start to shift!
You will start to see yourself as someone who is NEVER late on bills! And in fact, they have some money saved!
Your experience in this area will get more positive, which will allow you to have more positive feelings about the potential in this area of your life.
Your confidence will grow.
You will start to have different thoughts about your “identity” in this area.
Slowly but surely, your reality will change, and you will step more and more into the person you want to become.
So, if you are feeling stuck in a certain area of your life right now…ask yourself if it’s because you feel comfy there (spoiler alert: you probably do.)
Your next level life is something you’ve never experienced…so it’s hard to jump all the way there.
But can you start small? Can you maybe start going to the gym once a week? Or commit to pay your rent on time? Or finally get on that dating app?
Confidence is bred in action. And the more action you take toward the area you want to go, the more you will inch to the place you want to be.
I love you. You got this.
PS. You can email firstname.lastname@example.org if you want to chat about coaching.