What got you here won't get you there...

Sarah: (00:06)
Hey everyone, welcome back to the show. So usually I'll sit at my recording software for a second and kind of wait until I hit record and I didn't this time I just went for it. I'm feeling really excited to talk about what I'm going to talk about with you guys today.

Sarah: (00:26)
This is something that has been very present in my life and I don't think I've always understood it, since it's really been coming to the surface for me. I don't think I was always able to name it or understand it. But as time goes on, I'm really starting to understand more of what this is and it came up with a client again today as it always does, right? Because what you're going to find as a business owner, especially if you work with clients, you're in a service industry, you're a coach, you're a healer. Even photographers, graphic designers, creatives, whatever is going on within us is always reflected out in our clients and the work that we're doing and the things that come our way. It's just inevitable, always works that way. And it's a beautiful thing because usually it's something that you have been navigating and are able to share and support somebody else with. And there's so much healing even within that work of really supporting somebody through something that you might just be on the edge of as well.

Sarah: (01:34)
And so I think it's no coincidence that they, this came up today on a call with a client. And really what this is, is your values and what is important to you and what's more than important to you, what's driving you. So what's your why and what's your understanding of how you want to live in this world and how you want to create your reality. But it really all comes back to like, what's your driving force? And another way to think of that is like what are your values, and how sometimes that needs to shift and how also we can have different parts of us that it can manifest in different ways depending on what we're doing. So let me just give you an example. So I'm just going to give you my own personal experience and hopefully you can find something within this because, what I'm gonna tell you is what got you to where you are now is not going to get you to the next step.

Sarah: (02:39)
And I know we hear this all the time, what got you here won't get you there, but you really have to actually consciously shift your way of thinking, your way of being, your way of doing things in order to move to your next level. Because if you continue to operate in the way that got you to this point, which is great, it got you here, but it's not the same way that you need to operate to move forward. And so if you don't consciously shift that, you're really going to be stuck and not feel good. You're going to be miserable, you're going to be stressed out, you're going to feel really out of whack. It's not a good place to be, but you have the power to actually go, okay, I see what's changing here. And now I get to do things a little bit differently.

Sarah: (03:27)
So we always talk about our why, right? What's our why? And I think a lot of us can think we know what our why was or is. But sometimes it's actually deeper than what we think. And sometimes it's actually not as pretty and sparkly and tied with a bow as we sometimes advertise our why's to be. So, you know, a lot of times people will say, well, my why is my kids, or my why is, you know, so I can give back to this charity or my why is so that I can empower other women, you know, all these different things. And I'm not saying that those aren't legitimate why's, but I think sometimes the thing that drives us actually isn't always healthy as it needs to be. But sometimes it's what we need for a why. So for me, the thing that really drove me in my business at the beginning of the first business that I created, I would say on the surface, my why was to have freedom and flexibility and be able to spend time with my friends and my family and travel and you know, all this stuff. But really what was beneath it was that I wanted to run away from everything that I didn't like about my community, my family and my life and really my identity. I wanted to run fast and far away from everything that I didn't want to be. So think about that phrase, running away, pushing away, you know, rejecting that was actually my true motivation.

Sarah: (05:22)
This is a vulnerability piece guys, because it doesn't sound all pretty and magical and you know, Hashtag girl boss inspirational, right? It sounds kinda messed up, but this is where my power has been found is in looking back and realizing shit, my driving force in my business was survival. It was, I don't want to be another one of those people, right? That gets stuck is miserable is broke, is angry, is frustrated, is, you know, I want a different life for myself. I want opportunity, I want, I can't be that right. And yes, even though I was running into something bigger and better, and that is a positive motivation, really what drove me more than anything else was the fear of falling back into, you know, broke, scarcity mindset. Having a job in a life that I hate being unhappy, being unfulfilled. I was so afraid to have that and to fall back into that. And so I fought every single day and I did anything I possibly could to not become that.

Sarah: (06:46)
And so what that means is that I was leading my life out of a place of fear. So even though I was being fearless to an extent, I was doing things that people would look at me and go, oh my gosh, you're, you're 20 years old. You're running this business, you're successful. You're like, you're beating the odds. So it looked like I was fearless. It looked like I had it all. It looked like I was living this amazing life. But underneath all of that was this why of hating where I came from and not wanting to be that and running the fuck away from it.

Speaker 2: (07:30)
That's not a healthy place to be. And so my question to you, my first question to you as you listen to this is why did you start your business? Or why did you make a drastic move in your life? Why did you shift into something? And I want you to go a little bit deeper than, you know, I want to have freedom. I want to travel, I want to have financial independence. I want, you know, my kids to be proud of me. Well, what's underneath that? Did you never have financial security as a kid? I want you to dig a little deeper and I'm not trying to make you find a problem that isn't there. But I think if you spent some time, you would see where some of what got you here was a bit unhealthy.

Sarah: (08:28)
But you also have to honor that. That's the really weird part about all of this. And this is what I was talking about with my client today because what got her to this place of now where she teaches people how to stop hustling for happiness. She teaches people how to stop, you know, working and chasing and fighting for that, you know, end destination of happiness that doesn't exist. So even though who she used to be, which was this unfulfilled hustler that kept hustling for happiness, kept not getting to the end of her journey and just beating herself up and trying harder and trying harder and working harder, but never getting to that ultimate fulfillment.

Speaker 2: (09:07)
Even though she had to go through that, right. In order to get here to be the powerful coach and spiritual person that she is, she had to go through that shit. She looks back on it and doesn't have the best relationship with that part of herself as I don't have that best relationship with the dark sides of me. Right? No, nobody does that. The dark sides that we kind of just hide under the covers and run away from and make ourselves really busy in our business. So we don't have to think about it. Nobody wants to look there. But yet those are the things that until you make peace with them and go, thank you for what you did for me and I'm going to take these pieces of me and I'm going to harness it for good now. Because now I know better. Until you do that, you're going to just keep feeling like shit about what you're doing, who you are, how you're executing.

Sarah: (10:06)
You know, you're not going to feel fully good about it because you're not making peace with all pieces of you, of how you got here. And also knowing how to harness all pieces of yourself for good. So I came to realize about a year or so ago that what got me to my first level of success in both of my businesses was this complete fear. I can't, you know, my thought was I can't fail. I can't, um, you know, I can't be that person that isn't able to financially care for themselves and I have to do this all on my own. And I don't want to be a person that isn't living the life that they want to live. But I was so driven by the fear that in fact I was the person that wasn't living the life that they want to live because all I was doing was working and I was doing things that I didn't want to be fucking doing.

Sarah: (11:09)
I was working with clients that I didn't like. I didn't align with the way that they thought, but I was so afraid to say, I don't agree with you. And in fact not work with them. Right? I was so afraid to stand in my power because oh my gosh, if I lose a client, I'm going to be poor. I'm going to be, you know that that poor girl again, that you know, doesn't have the dream life. Like I laugh at it now a little bit because I know it's not true. But that was so scary to me. So what that ended up manifesting like was I'm working with people in our, and aligned with my vision and you know, and just the way that I want to live my life. And I don't agree with and I don't think they're really agreeing with me. And then that's causing issues and you know, I'm just doing work that doesn't fulfill me and then I don't have time to actually explore who I am and what I want to do.

Sarah: (12:04)
And so this was all while I was still drinking, right? If you guys are newer to the show, I'm sober now. I don't drink anymore. So I quit almost a year ago to the day and I'll probably be doing an episode on a year, a reflection of a year of sobriety. But I was drinking because I was just really not fulfilled with my work because my why was to not be broke guys. I had a six figure business. I wasn't fucking broke. I was living in an old story of fear and scarcity. So again, my question to you is where might you be operating in this, you that existed 10 years ago or five years ago where you had to impress somebody. So you feel the need to impress people or you had to prove yourself, or you had to figure things out all on your own, or you know, can you find that of where you may still be acting out of that place that's not really serving you anymore.

Sarah: (13:08)
And so when I finally realized that, and my sobriety was a huge part of this, when I finally realized that, you know, I'm operating out of running away from this thing that I haven't been in years and years and years. And in fact, I never really was, I just was so afraid to, I was afraid to not take advantage of the potential that I knew that I had. And I saw a lot of examples of unhappiness and unfulfillment. And so that really freaked me out. So I ran so far from it. But what ends up happening when that's your why, your why is to be everything that you don't want to be. You're not operating from a value and a desire of love and joy. And I want to change the world and this means so much to me and I want to be fulfilled.

Sarah: (14:16)
You're operating from a place of fear. And so the benefit of that was I had a fire under my ass, like none other. I had a fire under my ass that you could not blow out because I was so scared. It was like life or death for me. Like I have to show up everyday and rock this business and make money and be successful. I cannot be a failure, right? I can not do this. And so you couldn't extinguish that. But then it led me to exhaustion. So what ended up happening was I had to completely go the other way. And so then after I filled out my first big mastermind, I kind of just took a huge break and I just got tons of massages and got blow outs and got facials and went to yoga and read and hiked and ate and slept and took lots of naps.

Sarah: (15:15)
And it was just this extreme opposite end of the spectrum of everything that I never allowed myself to have. Rest, comfort fulfilled, just like, I'm good, I'm good where I'm at. I don't need to hustle. I don't need to fight. I just need to be. But you can only live there so long because everything has a balance. There's a Ying and a Yang, a feminine and a masculine energy. And I needed that time of rest. But that got to a point where I was not fulfilled by just resting 24 seven and so I had to go back to the drawing board and go, okay, what do I want to do in this world? You know, what do I want to create? And that's my why, right? That needs to be my new why. So what's my new driving force? What's my new healthy driving force?

Sarah: (16:05)
But at the same time, looking back on how I got here, which was a lot in a lot of ways, very unhealthy. But this is where a lot of people get stuck. They beat themselves up, they regret, they go, oh my gosh, I can't believe I spent so much on my life like that. You know? I can't believe I was like that. I can't believe. I thought that way. I can't believe I acted that way and I had to look back on all of that and go, thank you. Thank you. Scared little girl that didn't want to fail. You were a fucking rock star and built me a six figure income so I could go be lazy so I could go lay around and take a nap for months. Thank you. Your hustling little self is such a powerhouse and you've got me here and then I got to rest and that side of me that just likes to rest and rejuvenate and enjoy.

Sarah: (16:57)
I like that part too. So how can I bring you two together? How can I bring this person that loves to take action? Who works her butt off help? What can I, how can I take that part of me that loves to hustle, that loves to work hard, but how can I harness it in a way that's for good so it's not out of fear? It's not because I'm running away, it's because my life's really good and I just want it to be even better. Now I want to go help people. I want to go be in service. I want to go change the world. I want to go work towards causes that mean a lot towards me and so that is where what got me here isn't going to get me to my next level. My next level, I want to be speaking in schools.

Sarah: (17:37)
I want to be speaking on stages. I want to be making this massive impact. I really want to be working with kids and showing them that the path that may be around you from your relatives, your community, what your teachers are telling you isn't always the only way. There's alternative ways to approach your life. I want to show them that I want to foster that and it's this whole new level of why for me it's this whole unselfish level of fulfillment and joy and and giving back and I feel that I'm only here now at this place where I feel that I can have this really healthy drive because I had to do the things for me, right? I had to fight myself out of the situation. I didn't want to be in. I had to get exhausted. I had to take a big rest and then I had to finally realize what's important to me.

Sarah: (18:34)
So if you feel like you've gone through a lot, you've gone through the ringer, you've seen both sides of things, and maybe your business was really exhausting to you right now, maybe you're feeling really unmotivated, unfulfilled, you're not sure what's next. Can you actually not take that as beating yourself up? But can you take that as a, as an invitation to look back on how you got here and go, okay, I see how that was kind of an unhealthy way that got me here, but you know what? It got me here, which is good. What can I learn from this and how can I take those pieces of me that got me here and take the unhealthy out of it and harness those super powers that I have? Whether it be, you know, your hardworking-ness or just your desire to help people. Maybe you've not had the tightest boundaries in the past.

Sarah: (19:24)
So you've kinda gotten screwed over and exhausted and burnt out. Okay. So that's so beautiful that you're so willing to help people. How can you take that piece of you now and harness it and you know better now, right? How can you harness it in a way that you know is better, that you know is going to serve you and what you want to do and a better way. So my invitation to you is to look back on how you got here, but to not beat yourself up for whatever got you here and instead look in the mess and see, okay, what can I salvage here? What am I ready to let go of? I'm so for me, I'm ready to let go of the fear. I'm ready to let go of, I'm going to be broke. I trust myself to take care of me.

Sarah: (20:12)
I trust myself to be financially secure. I got that. That's my new reality. I am a feisty financially secure woman and I don't have to worry about my needs. I can take care of myself. That is my new reality. So I'm ready to accept that. And then how do I salvage that hustling girl that sometimes took it a little too far. She had some panic attacks. She had some breakdowns. How do I harness that girl, that woman now and how do I turn that into my next phase? How do I take that hustler? Get rid of the scarcity, but keep the person that works for something they believe in. I believed in fear and scarcity, right? And I worked for that, but I don't believe in that anymore. So I can keep the hard worker in the hustler in what is the new value that I want to put that strength in me towards.

Sarah: (21:04)
And so look back, maybe you had a bad relationship, maybe you just went through a divorce. Maybe you've had some issues with friends, family, kids. There's good in there. There's, there's whole parts of you that just got caught up in the wrong why's. So can you take the good parts of you? Can you throw away the wise and the drivers that weren't healthy? Say thank you. You taught me something. I'm ready to step into a new identity. I'm ready to let this go. But I'm taking these parts. Parts of me that I know are huge assets and I'm choosing my new values and I'm choosing my new drivers because now I know that I can actually be in control of that. In the past, you may have not been in charge of choosing your drivers, but now after you've listened to this, and after you've reflected on this, you are in control of what drives you. So now you get to decide that, look at your assets and apply them to that new thing. All right, guys, love you so much. Hope you have an awesome week. Talk to you soon.

My email: sarah@sarahcookcoaching.com

Follow me on insta→ @coachsarahcook

Join the Facebook community here

Listen and Subscribe to the podcast on Apple or Android!